OK. It looks like there are way too many important celeb stories today to give them there own post, so we decided to throw them all in and let you sort it out for yourself. On the roster are Jennifer Garner, Kiki Dunst, Cleveland Brown Brady Quinn, Salma Hayek. The topics are dating a rebounding Justin Long, inaccurate outing, broken engagements, and pregnancy scares/rumors.

Brady Quinn, it turns out, is not gay. The handsome former Notre Dame star and current Cleveland Browns quarterback had his shirtless likeness put on an advertisement for a gay dating site according to TMZ. The footballer player is not, for the record, a homosexual. But the doe-eyed, hairless athlete piqued a little interest for the site. The candid nature of the photo may have lead some users to believe its authenticity or authorization. His sister married another football player named AJ Hawk last year, so from that you can tell that he may or may not be gay.

So much for a Long rebound. Drew Barrymore and Justin Long split not too long ago and he’s already back in the saddle and possibly dating Kirsten Dunst. Digital Spy says the 2 were seen in the SoHo district of New York and kissing was involved. I’m-A-Mac is really becoming a, uh, mack. We wish him the best of luck in his Hollyweird conquests and success on the big screen. But that guy would be perfect for a New York-based sitcom. I’m-A-PC, John Hodgman, deserves some girly action. Sarah Silverman is single and appears OK with schlubby dudes.

According to the BBC, and every other news outlet on the Sun’s 3rd planet, Salma Hayek has called off her engagement to Francois-Henri Pinault. Reps say that Hayek was the mastermind of the breakup but refused to elaborate. One wonders if Robert Rodriguez’s recent breakup shook anything loose inside the tiny Mexican actress. Pinault ought to rebound just fine. He’s the director of PPR, the parent company of Gucci and YSL. He just needs to go out, find an up-and-coming starlet that would be easily impressed and Gucci the sh*t out of her.

What a ride for Jennifer Garner and BenAffleck. A few weeks ago the rumors were all, “Bennifer 2 is on the ropes. Blah blah blah.” And now it looks like Ben Affleck is going to be a second time dad, according to FemaleFirst. While the actors themselves have not admitted to the new addition, one of Garner’s costars let something slip about the whole thing. Okeedokee then. Don’t you think these guys would be some of the best parents ever? Seriously, Ben Affleck seems like the kind of dad that would give you a great big scowling if you ever acted up and then smother you with hugs. And don’t get us started on the pull-my-finger with Affleck. And Garner has that perpetually youthful look, so Hot Mom. Let’s hope this one is true and not the other rumor. We couldn’t bear the thought of being so happy and excited and then having our hearts smashed into 1 million pieces.

We did not see this coming, but should of. According to Yahoo News, Britney Spears is all set to give Kevin Federline 100% custody of Small Fry and Tater Tot. The 2 are supposed to meet today to finish this up. K-Fed’s lawyer, Mark Kaplan announced this news to E! today.

Evidently, this was not part of the original plan. K-Fed’s legal crew wanted the dancer, prancer, pull-down-you’re-pants-er to get primary custody while setting a program for Britney to earn custody. And that crew got served. Sometimes plans backfired, ya’ll. The current deal is flexible enough to change as future needs arrive. For his part, Federline acknowledged that Brit-Brit’s dad, Jamie Spears, has really started getting things going right in the pop star’s life through his guardianship over her estate. Good to know.

Do you remember the movie Made? It was John Favreau and Vince Vaughn’s attempt to recapture some of that Swingers lightning-in-a-bottle. Famke Janssen played Favreau’s stripper girlfriend and ends up just giving him her daughter. Yeah, that strikes no chords with us whatsoever, in this case.

We’re psyched that things seem to be going well for Britney but this makes us wonder if young stars need to take classes in not wrecking their lives. Who is most responsible for them? The label? The studio? The agent? The parents? These forces should think about conspiring to create a boot camp for child and teen stars to learn a few things about predatory adults in the big bad real world. We heard somewhere that Macaulay Culkin is relatively down-to-Earth, maybe he could throw this together. Or at least create a show on E! about it. “Kids, transparency is the most important thing in any of your early investments. We’ll get to Swiss accounts later. Make sure that someone is watching your parents preferably someone with a regular job so they can’t be bought off easily. And remember to just say ‘no’ to Annie Leibowitz. She won’t ‘be your best friend’ either way.”

Photo from: iVillage

Mass. Senate Says: Bring It On
The Massachusetts Senate voted to repeal a 1913 law that prohibited out-of-state couples from getting married in the Bay State. The Mass. House is planning on voting on the repeal next week according to Sign On San Diego. At that point the Governor, Deval Patrick, would have 10 days to sign it into life. Patrick’s daughter recently came out of the closet.

Obviously, the big deal with this is that it will allow gay couples from other states the chance to get married. This is sure to cause some headaches and heartaches for other states that don’t, to this day, recognize gay marriage. The interesting thing about the 1913 law was the racial tinge. Back in those days, most states did not allow interracial marriage (though Mass. has since 1843). So, as a gesture of good will to the less enlightened states, they enacted a law to keep their reason and morality to themselves. History lesson.

Not On The Census
The Boston Channel is reporting that despite the legalization of gay marriage in Massachusetts and California, that the Defense of Marriage Act of 1996 will prevent gay couples from registering as married on the 2010 census. The census does do their best to count gay couples but does not consider gay couples without kids a family. Which begs the question: do you need kids to be a family? Let’s table that for another time. We’ve always thought of gay marriage as states rights issue, but all this interstate/ national action makes us rethink that a little.

This is sure to be a “wedge issue” in the fall

Let this be a lesson to anyone fornicating in a beautiful locale: be aware of your surroundings. A sex-loving couple in Wisconsin neglected to set their parking brake and the motion of the ocean sent their car to a 150-foot fall per the local CBS affiliate. They survived with bruises and broken bones.

We sure hope he got out in time, otherwise trauma. What’s the lesson? Always use protection even if that protection is just engaging your emergency brake. Remember this little rhyme: if this car’s a-rockin’ the parkin’ brake is probably not a-lockin,’ so you may not be c*ck a-blockin’ if you come a-knockin’ and remind ‘em they should be a-dockin.’ But don’t let this turn you away from adventurous out-of-doors sex. Know the risks, know your surroundings, and plan accordingly. Now you know and knowing is half the battle.

And because we’re suckers for a good 150-foot car fall, enjoy Toonces below:

We bumped into a few celebrity odds and ends that didn’t merit their own posts. One or more of them strain credulity.
Alyssa Milano: No more baseball players
The Who’s The Boss starlet has decided to stop dating baseball players according to the Houston Post Chronicle. Alyssa Milano has dated Brad Penny, Barry Zito, and Carl Pavano. The article mentions that she dated Tom Glavine also, but that seems like a stretch. Like someone saw a picture of them together and made it a fact in Wikipedia. Weird. Anyways, we’re psyched that Milano is a fan of the game. She’s like a modern day big league Annie Savoy (Susan Sarandon from Bull Durham). And before she totally rules out ball players she should be consulted about his A-Rod divorce business.

Family Guy and Amanda Bynes?
Is Seth McFarlane (the mega-millionaire behind Family Guy) dating Amanda Bynes? Film.com’s The Evil Beet reports that McFarlane seemed smitten by the 22-year old Bynes. Does this seem like a stretch to anyone? Sure, not as much of a stretch as Tom Glavine and Alyssa Milano but a stretch nonetheless. Though she did voice stuff for 1 Family Guy episode her predictable, family-friendly body of work would usually be ridiculed by the show’s writing staff. We’re not sure if one or the other is dating up or dating down. A real headscratcher.

American Beauty to get married
Anyone remember when American Beauty came out and everyone was like, “Damn, that girl American Pie showed her boobies. That was something and I don’t feel weird because it was art.”? And then she bailed on the whole American Pie scene because she had critical acclaim and things really never got to where they could have been and our friend Jennifer said she looked like a catfish. Well, maybe things are turning around. Mena Suvari was in a couple of Sienna Miller films (The Mysteries Of Pittsburgh and Factory Girl) and people seem to be interested in Sienna Miller. And FemaleFirst is reporting that she’s engaged to a handsome music producer who is not very tall named Simone Sestito. The betrothal went down on Jamaica (lordhavemercy). And have you seen the recent pictures of her? Not her weird hairdon’t but her bumper? Keep on rockin’ in the free world.

Quick Fact/Fiction check for us:
We think that Milano’s mouth says she’s giving up baseball players but her heart (and loins) say another thing.
We think that we’ll need more information about Seth McFarlane and Amanda Bynes to make a call, we’re leaning towards ‘no’. A sex tape would probably push us to ‘maybe.’
Mena Suvari is probably engaged to this music guy. We’ve seen some photos of them together. They look nice. She’s probably over her last marriage.